70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
