Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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