I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
