The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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