I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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