Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
