Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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