Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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