Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
