did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
