You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
