so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
