i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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