Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
