I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
