Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
