sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
