My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
pray to the hookup gods
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
