It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
