Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
