At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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