Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
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