dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
