i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
