he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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