He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
