I have demons in me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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