Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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