I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we're making bets on your personal life
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
