I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
