he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
