dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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