dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
