I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
