i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
