So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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