She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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