I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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