I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
