He uses pillows to masturbate.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
