he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
