They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize