I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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