why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
