I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
