Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
