im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
