its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
