Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
