she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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