We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize