Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
