ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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