here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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