im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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