I just saw a hot homeless man
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize