the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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