While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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