But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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