mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
