call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize