my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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