For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
