he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Randomize
