It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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