why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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