You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
