i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
