I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize