What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
