i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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