3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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