M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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