It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
