5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
