a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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