1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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