wanna go halves on a baby?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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