he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize