Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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