"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
