If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize