Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
