yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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