I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
