I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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