There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
