Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
