I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
