Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
