I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
