i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
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