True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
this will be a night to untag.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
