no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
