i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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