i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
