so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
